Gabby Delforge.
Quote of the day. “LOOK HERE YOU LITTLE HOBKNOCKERS I HAVENT BEEN RUNNING MY ASS OFF AND DOING YOUR IMMUNITIES AND RUNNING TO GET A FREAKING EATING UTENSIL TO FIND OUT ITS NOT VALID.”
We were a bit surprised to receive a text confirming a kill at around 10:00 in the morning. In fact, it woke one of us up from a good night's sleep. You guys aren't the only ones losing sleep over Spoons, it turns out. This was an odd kill, but it isn't really a full-length story, so we'll just use it to open today's article. Gabby was at First Tech Credit Union talking to a representative about getting a credit card. Some random Spoons player coincidentally saw her there, walked up behind her, and just asked “is this a safe zone?” before calmly putting a sticker on her. Not much you can do about situations like this besides curl up and cry. Now that every day is free-for-all, we expect to see a few of these coincidental encounters spring up from time to time.
We also expect to see some devious plans. A lot of you have been complaining that it's impossible to take out one of the 7 Silver Spoons holders. All we have to say is that you're definitely not going to with that attitude. No person is going to have their guard 100% up 100% of the time. People are by nature susceptible to being tricked. There are ways to lure them out of hiding, to trick them into putting their guards down. It's just up to you to figure out how to do that and who to do that to. Those of you who are able to? That's how we know you deserve to go to the Finale.
A few of you have also requested more video content from the actual Hunger Games at brunch. While we are unable to release the official footage at this time because it would compromise the identity of the Silver Spoons holders, we do have this lovely Snapchat showing some brave soul running away from the cornucopia, followed by a streak of people. Ah, good times.
For today's story, we'll be going back in time a few days to visit the unfortunate adventures of Kirsten. Before you Spooners complain about having a hard time, we suggest you read through the suffering she had to go through. There's a reason this girl is a Top Spooner.
For many consecutive days, Kirsten has spent every brunch and lunch hiding in various locations. The locker room. Different bathrooms around campus. Classrooms. Her killer was working with various salty enemies trying to kill her, and they a squad of at least 3 or 4 people ganging up on her. At one point, Kirsten was chased out of fifth period “with my FKN vacuum you have no idea how hard it is to bike with a vacuum in one hand.” At another point, Mr. Pugh even took pity on her and informed her that he had heard about a planned assassination targeted towards her. A few days later, she watched one of her best friends die.
The craziest escape occurred on Wednesday. The night before, she heard from an insider that her killer was planning on sitting on her bike so that she wouldn't be able to go anywhere. Or even move her bike somewhere else, because she had stopped locking it in the mornings in order to get to safety in a more efficient manner. So she decided to try playing some mind games.
In the morning, she purposely parked her very unique-looking bike by the pool hoping to trick him/her into going there after fifth to wait for her. She planned on going and moving the bike into the locker room after brunch and just locking it in there.
As she hid in the locker room during brunch, she decided to peek out. Lo and behold, one of her killer's accomplices was there putting stickers on her bike lock, presumably to attempt to slow down any attempts at a getaway. Kirsten was all like “WTFFFFF” and then she was all like “aw hell nah” so she used the passing period to take the stickers off and move the bike inside the locker room. She had a very awkward time in fifth period with that accomplice who stickered up her bicycle.
At the end of the period, the accomplice tried blocking the exit, so Kirsten instead asked Mr. Lee to go through the science hallway. She sprinted to the locker room, and another accomplice of the killer was stationed nearby to witness the dash. Soon enough, the first accomplice enters the locker room too and attempts to stall her. So the accomplice subtly (but not subtly) tries to block her way out of the door. So Kirsten just went for the other door. Next level strats, ya'll.
According to numerous sources, Kirsten was spotted riding her bicycle straight out of the locker room, breezing straight by her killer and living to see another day. Basically, she's a legend.
Before we sign off for today, a few things to note. First, tomorrow we'll be posting the last Spoontistics article and Monday and Tuesday will be dedicated to revealing the secrets of Spoons -- everything has been pushed back a few days, so don't freak out.
FINALLY, to those of you who have worked with friends to make spreadsheets of The Loop and tried to figure out the entire list of who's killing who, please send those to us! We're really curious to see how bad you all are at detective work, and when we release the official Loop in a few days, we'd like to link your attempts on The Daily Cannon. The most accurate prediction will get a shoutout. Shoot us a Facebook message or an email at lhs2016spoonsgods@gmail.com. Until next time!