Shreya Kumar.
Let's start off with this video of Rags getting tackled by a slightly upset Spoons player in the morning. As you can see, being a Goderator comes with significant risks to our personal well-being.
Now, before you go complaining about how you expected this article to be the secret-revealing one, hear us out. We're currently still waiting for some important people to send in their loops, and we're also in the process of confirming and digging up more secrets that have been hidden from us this whole time. Since there's so much newsreporter field work we still have to do before that article's ready, we'll be dropping the whole thing at once tomorrow -- just in time for the dying hours of the Hunger Games.
In the meantime, there's an important element of Spoons that we have not talked much about here. Our ask.fm, a place for dumb questions and dumber responses. The domain and brainchild of Ethan “The Law” Chee. Many of you derive great pleasure from reading The Daily Cannon each evening, but those of you who have read the ask.fm know that that, too, is a beautiful source of entertainment. We've answered over 1000 questions these past few months, and there are some that really stand out to us. It is time to recognize the time and energy we've put into running that platform, as well as the most memorable interactions we've made.
Think of this article as something similar to a compilation by America's Funniest Videos that you used to watch on TV as a child. We'll be breaking up the questions and responses into a few different categories and discussing why we chose each one. This may very well be the longest article we've ever written. Interesting fun fact: For every image you see in a given day's article, Kenny letters them in order starting from “A”. Usually, the images in a given day go up to “C” or so. Today, we legit ran out of letters of the alphabet (we hit “Z”). Anyway, sit tight! It's time for a trip down memory lane. Oh, how time flies.
Dumbest Questions
Let's be honest here. Some of you have asked some pretty pointless questions over the course of Spoons. From questions that are clearly self-explanatory to questions that have absolutely nothing to do with Spoons to questions that are just vulgar, you all have lost the ability to filter and censor your thoughts. Don't worry, the same has happened to us. Let's take a look at some of the dumbest questions we've come across. These have been the source of many bouts of laughter in our Goderator meetings and group chat.
A question that first appeared to be a dead-end soon became an opportunity. We're pretty proud of the double meaning behind this one. Apparently, six other people were proud of it, too. That doesn't make the question any better, though.
This question, for Trump Card #2, just made us cringe on the inside.
Points for creativity. Negative points for pure dumbassery. Although, if it had actually happened, we would've gladly written an article about it. However, now that we think about it, this paragraph right here shows that we're writing about it even though it didn't happen. Go figure.
This question made us chuckle. Rags' answer made us cry. As you'll see over the course of this article, we are definitely not short in the department of these sorts of comebacks.
This sequence of questions kind of speaks for itself. Yet again, though we do not condone actions like the ones suggested in these questions, we would gladly record a video and write about it if the opportunity came along. For those of you out there, it's not too late to do so.
* Takes a bow. * Simply elegant. We're so grateful administration doesn't monitor what we write about here and on the ask.fm. We enjoy our freedom, and we hope you do, too.
This gem is all we have to show for Immunity #4, the cancelled Immunity, where you were going to have to hold sleeping bags up to nipple-height. Some people were complaining about saggy nipples. What others saw as a disadvantage, we recognized as an opportunity.
Just why. Why is this question even here... For those of you are wondering, it says something along the lines of “we just wasted your time”, which is actually untrue because Ethan didn't give enough shits to actually figure out what it meant before he answered the question.
Godliest Responses
Now, let's see some moments where we have shined on the ask.fm, in lieu of the onslaught of dumb questions. The sassiness and ass-iness of our Goderator persona appears to have infiltrated every aspect of Spoons, from our emails to The Daily Cannon to the our question responses that were supposed to be simple and straightforward.
This actually says a lot about us. It is a lot more accurate than it seems at first glance.
#GOTTEM. We try to stay away from jokes involving your mother, but this time we just couldn't resist (your mother).
While sassiness and ass-iness are widespread throughout our ask.fm, so too is the presence of Kenny Iams. As much as we hate to admit it, his stuff has helped us quite a few times on these sorts of questions on the ask.fm.
Rags still going strong with the sexual jokes.
Rags shifting gears from sexual jokes to pure savagery.
Funny story behind this one. The three of us were sitting on a couch together at an officer meeting with the entire team. While the other three were talking about Senior Prom related things, we were answering questions on the ask.fm. We came across this vague question and, after rolling our eyes at having to deal with it, we realized it was an opportunity. For about 10-15 minutes that we probably should've spent doing something useful and productive, we listed out random quantitative and qualitative categories (Kenny Iams strikes again). We were laughing like idiots and pretty much just writing whatever came to our minds. This question marks one of the lowest-IQ moments of our careers as Spoons Goderators. It is moments like these that we live for.
A cute little back-and-forth between Ethan and a musically-inclined individual. We were pretty into this one until we got stuck on the last word...
Saltiest Moments
A game of this magnitude with so many players with this level of competitivity inevitably results in toxic moments. We have encountered many salty players over the course of these two month, who really need to find something more important to do with their lives and care about than a game involving plastic eating utensils.
We did feature this on an article two days prior, but we felt the need to include it on this list. There was something about this question that just made us laugh nonstop for a good minute or two. From what we hear, many people could relate to this one. That is excellent news.
Observe the passive-aggressive exclamation marks, which mask the person's hatred with a bit of good-humored lightheartedness when -- in reality -- the hatred is still lurking beneath the surface.
We felt a little sad after reading this one. But we quickly got over those feelings of sympathy.
In our defense, you weren't going to read it anyway. Sparknotes, let's be honest here.
Wow. We don't even know where to start. Ellipses. All-caps rage. Three consecutive question marks. ANOTHER pair of ellipses. This person was clearly mad, or at least as mad as someone can be when they're typing into a little text box online. Salt, salt, salt, salt, salt.
Tear-Jerking Confessions
We're not entirely emotionless. All things aside, Spoons has been a stressful time for us, too. Underneath this mask of fun and assholery are just three high school senior guys who have dedicated two months of their second semester to thinking of ways to get people to hate them. And hate them, people have. Though we play it off with our Goderator personas and genuinely enjoy what we do, it does get demoralizing sometimes. We maek mistakes -- of course we do. With 265 people to deal with for over 60 consecutive days, who would be able to stay flawless? And we feel terrible about it, but sometimes we just have to keep moving ahead. It's not all clear skies for us.
In the end, we just want you all to have an engaging and exciting time -- and for spectators to have a great show. So when people do take the time to notice the time and energy we've put in, we honestly and truly appreciate it.
You aren't alone, depressed ask.fm commentor. You aren't alone.
These are the things that keep us going. A balanced diet of salt and love.
One thing we've really tried emphasizing this year has been the viewer experience. Hence The Daily Cannon. Hence the ask.fm. Comments like these remind us why we do the things we do.
When you take a step back from complaining your asses off about Lynbrook all the time, you might just realize that it's not such a terrible place after all. Sometimes, we take the things we have for granted. There is something special about this place that makes things like Spoons possible. And we are definitely trying to highlight that to all of you, while we can.
Essentially, this chunk of code is instantiating a Spoons game (we wish it were this easy), and then saying that they wished the game would never end. As can be seen by the commented phrase “//don't want it to end”. Though we replied in a different language (jQuery, oops), the sentiment in these lines of code transcend the boundaries of syntax and compilers. Thank you, kind coder, for your object-oriented compliment.
tl;dr
There are times, too, when we wish this journey would never end. Spoons has been a highlight of high school for us, and for many of you (though many of you probably hate both the game and us, by now). As cliche as it sounds, all good things must come to an end sooner or later. And we promise that we are ready to turn it up a notch for the Finale this week. To truly go out with a bang (yes, that was a hint about what we're planning on ending Spoons with). It's going to be one for the books...
Granted the stupid weather cooperates with us. What is this 93 degrees on Wednesday and rain on Friday bullshit? Well, we have no choice but to make do. Look at the bright side! It'll add to the suffering of our final Spooners. Oh boy, it's going to be rough for them. Until then!