Mukund Hari, Dara Jovkar, Rohit Dhamankar, Angela Gehn, Ryan Sadjadi.
A message from not the Goderators, but from Rags, Ethan, and Kenny:
We need to begin with an apology. You have probably heard this a billion times by now, but no words can convey how terrible we feel. To the two Spooners that did not move on, we were extremely inconsiderate of your feelings and didn't anticipate how our actions would hurt you. What initially started as what we thought would be a joke (we did plan it beforehand and wrote it out with blanks, planning to fill it in on the day of -- we did not come up with it on the spot, nor did we know who would be the subject of it) became something insensitive and humiliating. We will not try to defend ourselves -- we take full blame and responsibility for everything. Moving forward, we'll be toning down the negativity and making sure to create a more positive atmosphere. We realize now that rather than putting down our Finalists, we should be celebrating how far they've come and what they've achieved. You have every right to be mad at us right now, but we hope that you will forgive us.
Switching back to our Goderator personas, but do forgive us if we sound drained.
All things aside, today's Finale was pretty intense. As we sat in those dinky little lawn chairs reading our newspapers (they spelled “FIN” by the way), we were getting kind of worried that there wasn't going to be a real large crowd. But once we went inside and came out to our introduction, it appeared that you guys just multiplied. It was like Homecoming all over again.
After blabbering for a little, we brought out our 7 Spooners with lowkey roasting introductions. If you can't understand the video and weren't there to hear it yourselves, here's the exact text for each person:
At 6 foot 3, he's got the voice of an angel, but the looks of a demon. Mukundddddd HARIIIII
At 4 foot zero, with hair colors changing faster than Donald Trump's political viewpoints. Angelaaaaa GEHNNNNNN
At 4 foot zero and a half, forgot about the Cornucopia, but killed for a ticket last minute. Rohittt DHAMANKARRRRR
At 4 minutes and 30 seconds, chasing Wesley like he was a potential Prom date, he slid into the Finale like he slid into the DMs. Ryan SAAAAADJADIIIII
At 5 foot savage, not sure how she hasn't killed the goderators yet. Shivani RANGWALAAA
At we don't know how tall she is because we haven't seen her this whole time, she's silent and deadly, like a fart. Ramya PPPPPP
At 6 feet, with an ego of 16 feet, his puns are quite a spoonful. Daraaaaa JOVKARRRR
* UPDATE * While Kenny was digging around in his backpack for his Statistics worksheets that he definitely did in class like a good student, he found the scores from today's Finale challenge! Here it is.
When we announced the first item, the Lynbrook lanyard, all of the Spooners kind of just froze there for a second before coming to their senses and diving into the crowd. These first few rounds were dominated by Mukund. It was a bit insane to watch him return the front of the line time after time. We swear he didn't see the list beforehand (or, if he did, we had no hand in it). We got a good laugh or two watching people stand up and violently throw the contents of their backpacks onto the ground. Not too sure what happened with the shoelaces, but we were rather surprised to see people strip them off their shoes so quickly.
When we called for $20, we were slightly disappointed that everyone brought a single bill. When we came up with the idea initially, we were hoping for someone to come running with a fistfull of coins and throwing it all on the table. But you guys were pretty clean and orderly about that one.
Our favorite probably had to be the graphing calculator one. We knew that one would throw you all off. After all, who actually remembers the math classes they took from the beginning of high school? Who was even awake for those classes? It was so saddening to see several of the contestants plot the graph slightly off. We were looking for y = (x-2)^3 + 1, but we got things ranging from y = (x-1)^3 +1 to y = (x-2)^3. So close.
When the not-so-smart phone part came up, a few eyes darted over to Jissell immediately. She was quickly swarmed by both Rohit and Ryan in a matter of seconds, and she recalls hearing the phrase, “NOOOO IT'S MINE EFF YOU!” What a time to be alive.
Finally, for the freshman one, we don't know what we were thinking when we came up with that one. But we're glad we did. We expect to see those freshmen making the headlines come their senior year, having had a taste of Spoons already.
Below, we've posted the video of today's festivities. We'll be fully transparent about our thought process behind this. We were iffy about posting it today because we were honestly a little afraid of receiving even more backlash. We thought about cutting out the section of the video (towards the end) that contained our insensitivity. In the end, we felt that it was necessary to leave it in because we should not be hiding anything -- we must accept what has happened and own up to it. Without further ado, here is day 1 of the Spoons Finale.
Now, we'll take a moment to celebrate the two Spooners whose journeys ended today (thank you, Anon, for the suggestion on our ask.fm). Both have come a long way over the past two months and have done many questionable things, we're sure. Otherwise, they wouldn't have been here today.
Ramya. We're actually not too sure what she's been up to, because she's been hiding in the shadows the whole time. She killed three people over the course of Spoons, but all were fairly lowkey. Not even sure we covered her on The Daily Cannon before. That's how under-the-radar she has been. For those of you looking to get far in Spoons in the future, do consider this perfectly valid strategy. Silently waiting... And then striking when the time is right.
Shivani. The polar opposite of under-the-radar. She started off relatively quietly, but ended up with five kills. Before long, she was making the headlines here and there, especially after instigating the epic story of Gauri and Shayok. Her dedication to this game has been insane, and honestly it's scared us a little sometimes. She steeled her body and her mind, and she's tougher than the toughest of us. If stalking prey and going on killing rampages is your thing, we suggest you talk this person.
Thank you, both, for joining us on this roller coaster journey. See you all tomorrow for day 2 of the Spoons 2k16 Finale. Until then!