Sai Namani, Eddie Fu, Nathan Lui, Pransu Dash, Michael Shieh, Viney Saroya, Nikita Seth, Sally Wan, Christopher Lee, Tiffany Tzeng, Akhil Bhandaru, Erik Zhao, Linda Yao, Nikhil Rati.
Wow. Never thought we'd say this, but we're impressed with all of you. As the ones behind the scenes pulling all the strings, we never thought we'd experience this emotion... Surprise. At how elaborate your plans have become. At how desperate you are to survive. At how savage you really are. We feel like proud parents! Especially after seeing all the ominous “watch your back” and “yours will be a slow and painful demise” messages written on the hearts around campus. So, so, so proud.
For a first Immunity, “A Crash Course in Spoons” surpassed all our expectations. It was a slaughter beyond our wildest dreams. Our kill count entered the double digits (actually JUST received another kill confirmation while writing this post), and we saw more than twice as many kills as in the past three days combined. Great to see that so many of you are finally subscribing to the heartless, pitiless spirit of Spoons. And to see so many of you crash (hah) and burn.
Today we'll be rewarding you with FOUR very different stories from today, which we'll each summarize with a single keyword to begin with. It'll be a bit of a long read, but trust us. It's worth every word.
Deception. Sai Namani, in her complete(ly ridiculous) outfit of a helmet and a pillow and sock and slippers, was in front of the library at the start of brunch when her killer approached... with an accomplice. The accomplice reportedly darted at her and stuck a sticker to her shoulder, to which she was obviously confused because she was very clearly immune. When she raised her objection, the accomplice explained that he/she thought her pillow was too small. So she removed her pillow, held it to her face to compare the size, and became an early Christmas present to her actual killer, who was standing two feet away. Talk about next level strats. And lack of moral. Oh well.
Boredom. Speaking of Christmas coming early, enter Eddie Fu. Sitting at the top of the quad brunch without a helmet or a pillow or open-toed shoes. His killer approached. “I don't really want to play anymore,” he declared. We admire your honesty, sir.
Intensity. Normally we don't release the name of the killer, but in this case, (1) the video is just too good to not post and (2) “dude IDGAF I'm just so F****** happy right now.” On that note, AK (Adhithya Kannan) plotted a photo shoot with his target, with the help of a rather sizable entourage. His target showed up near the CS classroom where the photographer was waiting, and she took off her socks and sandals as to not look like a fool. Unfortunately, he/she was looking like a fool 10 seconds later when AK popped up and chased him/her all the way across campus in flip flops. For all of you who have cross country runners as your killers, may our prayers be with you.
How-on-earth. This killer was alerted by a little birdie that his/her target Nikhil Rati was going to Santana Row for dinner. What's more? No spoon on him. With an amount of determination that we have never seen before, the killer sped over to Santana Row and was walking towards Maggiano's when his/her source informed that Nikhil had left the vicinity. Apparently, they had migrated to Panda Express in Valley Fair. So the killer followed him across the street, scanned the food court area, walked up to him through the crowd, and “put a cute penguin sticker on his right shoulder” as the line stared in confusion. Serves him right for eating at Panda Express. Other than that, we're a bit speechless on this one. All we can say is well-played. So well-played.
Anyway, that concludes our piece for today. It'll likely be a bit quieter over break, but The Daily Cannon never stops firing. Because it's daily. We'll cover what few stories come in over break, but more than that we'll be giving you hints each day about the themes of our next 9 upcoming Immunities, which will take the form of seemingly random articles about seemingly random topics. Keyword is “seemingly”. Look closely. Until next time!