Hyojoung (Lucy) Kim, Cindy Zhang, Angela Kuo, Smarana Gadepally, Brandon Ko, Celine Lui, Zoe Minshall.
Well, it's safe to say that today's forecasted storm definitely did not hit nearly as hard as originally anticipated. Forget ”a new record number of kills,“ we couldn't even get into the double digits. Well, we aren't entirely disappointed about our Quidditch escapade. We admit, it was pretty satisfying to see you all run around campus dragging one another along, and we definitely got a good laugh when it started pouring during Food Club Day and you were all trying to bust out your tickets and feed yourselves. Yes, we're terrible, we know. But we established that point a long, long time ago.
Some of you even got underclassmen to hold your brooms up for you while you ate. Guess some of them are still feeling the reindeer-spirit from our last Trump Card. In any case, there were some quality kills today, filled with chases and deceits. And an even more quality escape, which we haven't really covered in the past but -- trust us -- they were noteworthy.
We'll start with the tale of one man's desperate dash to the restroom at brunch. Where will you be when diarrhea strikes? Jokes. But Brandon Ko was seriously in some deep sh*t. When his partner went to the women's restroom, he was left partnerless as his killer started walking towards him. He booked it and ran all the way to the men's restroom and hid inside. Safe inside the restroom, he frantically tried to get his partner to come to the door to save him, unsure if his killer was outside. Apparently, there was some confusion as to whether or not she was actually outside. Brandon stuck his head out the door a tiny bit to check for his partner. And came face to face with his killer. Guess it's safe to say that he got the sh*t scared out of him. Okay, we're done now. No more sh*tty jokes, we promise.
Zoe's death at lunch today was one of deception and betrayal. At the end of fifth period, as she was about to head out of class, her killer approached her asking to be partners. Neither of them had partners, at the time. Reportedly, Zoe was a tad bit skeptical but decided that it'd be her best chance at survival. Besides, what were the chances that this person was actually her killer? As they headed out, Zoe remained suspicious and kept a close eye on her partner's arm and broom to make sure he/she didn't try to do anything. Once they were in the parking lot, however, Zoe got caught up in a conversation and let her guard down. Her killer quickly turned on her, dropped his/her arm, and eliminated her. Kindness takes yet another victim.
This one, we'll tell a bit more from the killer's perspective. So this killer was hiding near the Robotics room when Lucy, his/her target, walked out of Iams with her arm linked with her partner. The killer tracked Lucy and stalked her across the entire campus, hiding behind trash cans and corners like a ninja. When she got to the front of the school, she hid under the overhang in front of the auditorium and her killer poised himself/herself behind a bush near the weight room. She subsequently broke from her partner and dashed towards her car, attempting to escape school unscathed. Her killer jumped out of the bushes and started chasing her down, getting to her car just as she shut the door. Unfazed, the killer ripped her door open and stuck a sticker on her because she wasn't riding her broom. It pays to do Cross Country.
Now, for an epic save. Jim was half a second away from death. It seemed imminent. He was standing at the top of the quad, next to his partner but without linked arms. He was engaged in a conversation, completely oblivious to the world around him. His killer saw the opportunity and began to silently jog up behind him. It sooned turned into a sprint. But just as he/she was 5 or so steps away, Clarence -- who was sitting on a table next to Jim -- yelled ”JIM, LINK ARMS.“ Time seemed to slow as Clarence leaned forward, eye-wide, and shoved Jim into his partner. Right as Jim stumbled and grabbed his partner's arm, the killer put a sticker on him. He owes Clarence big time now.
Though today was not as brutal as we had hoped, it was certainly an entertaining and spirited day. Stay alert over this weekend and get ready for a much-deserved 72 hour break come WASC next week. Until then!